a moment....hopefully not the last.

It was just a moment. 

One he will never remember, I'm sure. 

But this momma will remember it....and look back and remember that it may possibly be the last time my baby boy ever falls asleep in my arms.  (one can hope I will be proven wrong....)

It happened on a cold afternoon after school, KJ was snuggled up against my other arm playing on my cell phone, and Carter was at my other arm quietly watching Looney Tunes.  Auntie MoMo had come over for dinner and we were talking and I was idly playing with Carter's longer-than-usual hair.  In the middle of a sentence to my sister, I realized that the weight of my son felt different, as if he somehow melted into me.  It was a weight of complete abandonment into his momma's arms. 

(I whispered for Eric to get the camera, just in case Carter decides from now on he's just too big to crawl into his momma's lap and fall asleep, safe and sound, loved beyond words)

I'm thankful for this moment.  I'm thankful for the moments I'm choosing to live in and to savor and to feel, and just to know. 

I am such a lucky mom to have a son.  What a relationship.  What an honor.  May he grow in confidence in the love of his family.  Because, mr. bubba-head you are loved like you don't even know.  SO big. 

I'll always remember and cherish the memories of your sweet hot breath on my neck and the comfort my arms gave you.  Know that you can always run into them.

I'm one lucky mom :)

oh, sweet memories.

to whom it may concern,

Please be patient while I decide if I can trust you.
Let me tell you my story.
The whole story.
In my own way.
I am not a person.
I am this person.
Don't judge me as right or wrong,
good or bad.
I am what I am.
That's all I've got.
Don't assume your knowledge of me is more accurate than mine.
It's not.
You only know what I have told you.
That's only a part of me.
Don't ever think that you know what I should do.
You don't.
I am still the expert about me.
Don't place me in a position of living up to your expectations.
I have enough of my own.
Please hear my feelings.
Not just my words.
Accept all of them.
If you can't, how can I?
Don't try to save me.
It's already been done.

Sincerely,