happy birthday brady!

because what could be better than to have shakes and cheese fries with your favorite cousins while we laugh and celebrate another year of your life...your precious, wonderful, beautiful, miraculous life. 

happy birthday, britch-box.

they love each other...A LOT

carter adores her

new transformer!

(i hear it's quite loud)

sorry, mel

mel and her boys

these people make me very, very happy.

i am the luckiest.

what i want to be when i grow up...

Loneliness is the human condition.
Cultivate it.
The way it tunnels into you allows your soul room to grow.

Never expect to outgrow loneliness.

Never hope to find people who will understand you, someone to fill that space.
An intelligent, sensitive person is the exception, the very great exception.
If you expect to find people who will understand you,
you will grow murderous with disappointment.
The best you’ll ever do is understand yourself,
to know what it is that you want, and not let the cattle stand in your way.

(Janet Fitch, White Oleander)

I most definitely believe that (almost) 30 is not too old to decide what you want to be when you grow up.

Nope.

Just took me awhile to understand myself, I guess.

And, every once in awhile, I miss having a classroom

and students so bad I can taste it. 

But then I remember how much it hurt

and I remember my goals.

I can't wait to find out what I'm going to be when I grow up.

you wanna bite?

It was one of those nights when KJ decided playing with neighborhood friends was more appealing than strawberry shortcake...(whaaa???) so Eric, Carter and I sat down for dessert.  Who doesn't love strawberry shortcake?  With ice cream!  Yum.

Carter didn't like it at all.  Nope.

so cute.

you wanna bite? 

my sweet boy, always willing to share

precious

my favorite boys.

I NEVER ever get tired of this.  These days, these simple moments.  Sometimes it's hard to get one on one time with each of my kids, they are so close in age, and practically tied at the hip.  But everyone once in awhile, a night like this happens and I'm reminded just how lucky I am to have BOTH of them.

chasing flip flops...

It was just that kind of week. 

We needed to get away.

All of us.

So that's what we did.  And for three days, being surrounded by water, seeing breathtaking sunsets and enjoying conversation by the fire was just what we needed. 

Oh, how I wish I could have photo-documented the hilarious and even monumental moments of the weekend, but for now my words will have to suffice....

First, and perhaps foremost, ladies and gentleman I have conquered my fears of giant Ursala-like beings at the bottom of the lake, and will now willingly submerge my body into the lake water.  The fact that it was 90+ degrees this weekend did help put my butt into gear...but I wish to share with you all the good news that I am no longer a wimp.  I swim in our lake. 

Well....it just so happens that after willingly sumberging my body into said lake water my sister and I decide it would be a great idea to relax on two floaties (with freshly iced bloody marys from my fantastic boyfriend in hand), and just drift down the lake.  As we are going through that painfully embarassing process of slinging your body into a floatie without looking like a beached whale, Eric reminds Mel that it would probably be a good idea to take her flip flops off, since they are surely to come off in the water, and it would be a pain to have to hold them.  My sister, Absolut Peppar induced clearly, announces that its "no big deal." 

It was a BIG deal.

Here I am, enjoying the delicious heat of the sun while being partially submerged in what feels the temperature of bathwater without a care in the world, when I hear my sister calling out to her flip flops....AS IF THEY COULD HEAR HER!  Come back, come back, I need to get you....  I look back to see my sister half heartedly rowing herself with her fingers, of course one handed since the other hand is holding the Bloody Mary, towards her flip flops, which were in indeed NOT on her feet, nor in her hands. 

Oh, for the love. 

So, I begin some equally half-hearted attempt to row my way towards the floating flip flops which appear to be moving at a much faster pace than necessary.  Like just all of a sudden the wind picks up and I'm thinking that I'm going to have to get off the raft and actually swim to these flip flops.  And I'm NOT actually cool with that idea, because I didn't want to swim...but of course Mel can't because she's LAUGHING and HOLDING A BLOODY MARY.  Of course, indeed. 

This story does not end well.

I abandon my beloved Bloody Mary and let it float towards my laughing sister while I kick and row my way towards the flip flops.  Except now, the wind has shifted, and so they are going towards the shore.  This is a bad thing. A REALLY REALLY bad thing, so bad I don't even know its badness yet.  You see, because even though I so seriously stated the overcoming of my fear of swimming in the lake, truth is, I kinda am still A LOT scared of what's down there.  I know it's stupid, I know I'm almost 30...whatever.  As I am rowing myself toward the flip flops I find myself being swallowed my a horribly, scratchy, weed like monster in the lake who is getting all tangled up in my legs and arms and I'm just sure it's the arms of Ursala to drag me underneath the sea lake and torture me, so I get the hell out of there.  I mean, as fast as humanly possible, I don't care about your flip flops AT ALL, I want off this floatie, out of this lake, away from the horriblness of whatever that was.  Did I mention I was screaming like a little girl 94 percent of this entire time? 

After some recovery time on the pier, and my sisters sucessful recovery of her flip flops, Eric informed me that I had just simply swum into a patch of weeds up by the shore.  I realize this is a simple explanation.  It does not, however, make me feel the slightest bit better.  That was really freaking creepy.

So....besides my brief encounter with a sea monster we had a really beautiful weekend.  I exercised muscles I forgot I had, just for laughing. 

Here's a few of the moments I did capture...

oh, this is so beautiful.

i know the string bikini throws you off, but she's actually quite the fisherwoman :)

my favorite guy doing his favorite thing...

I caught a catfish (rare in this lake)!!!  It was just a baby one, but he was MAD!  Eric didn't know how to get the hook out of his mouth without getting mauled...luckily, this little guy made his way back into the water.  I'm the kind of fisher-woman who fishes for the sheer pleasure of actually catching something, not ever worrying or gauging whether it's big enough to keep.  I don't eat fish, and I especially don't eat fish from a lake that I have ALLOWED my children to pee in.  Insanity.

I'm proud of my little catfish :)

(isn't he so creepy?  ***shudder****)

and the place where we gathered each evening, sun weary and exhausted and talked
about life and love and a lot of stuff in between. 

but best of all, we laughed.

houston, we have a SHOE problem!

For the record, I do not particularly LOVE shoes.  I like them, but I'm more of the kind of girl that finds a pair she likes and wears them until a.  they either fall apart or b.  they are so out of fashion one of my sisters has to come to my rescue, tie me down and forcefully take them away.  I'd wear flip flops every day if I could.  Don't get me wrong....I like to add a little excitement here and there, but I also try to be aware of the fact that I am six foot two.  Adding even two inch heels makes me close to freakishly tall.  And let's not even go there with the bad ankles...

I digress.

My son loves shoes. 

And I know what you're thinking...he's 4, he can't buy his own shoes, so surely you can control this!  Oh no, people, I did not even see the obsession until it was far too late.  You see, Carter is the lucky receipient of FOUR sets of hand me downs.  And these aren't ratty, play clothes hand me downs.  These are clothes and SHOES that have been worn maybe once.  Am I grateful?  Extremely.  Now Carter looks with anticipation to another bag that auntie momo brings over...not for the super cute shirts and adorable outfits...but for the SHOES! 

It's official. 
He's a shoe freak.

Every morning is a shoe fight.  Usually, I go for the, "oh, you're watching max and ruby, let me just slip these on you..." which rarely works.  So then, we move on to suggestions.... How about your sharkie shoes, Carter? (birkenstocks that have shark print on them)  "Um, no, mom, I don't want to wear those."  Okay....how about your flip flops?  Sneakers?  Ahhhhh!!!!!

Some mornings I'm just not up for the fight, and the kid wears whatever shoes he wants, regardless of the weather, the outfit, or how ridiculously silly he may look.

Illustration:

Pretty cool boots, huh?  Yeah, maybe for church in the middle of winter!!!  But no, my sweet boy was wearing shorts and a tshirt, sporting his elmo band aid, blue socks and THESE boots.  Oh dear. 

Good thing I love him as big as it gets. 

could be just a coincidence...

Or it could be just the encouragement I needed to stay focused on my goals.  I put it on the fridge, like a dork.  I guess I'm trying to become a more glass half full kinda girl. 

p.s.  Marian, you might save some money, and actually be able to lower tuition if you didn't send catcy attractive mailings to people who are already active students.  I'm not sayin', just sayin'.

I'm going to be a nurse.

yum.

I want to eat watermelon

every single day

for every single meal

jedi knight in training...

Disclaimer-I swear this is my last post about my little boy's birthday.  I just can't help it.  Four years old.  Wow.  The fact that he's my baby only makes it harder.  I will stop whining now.

We ended Carter's big day with a special birthday dinner at steak 'n shake.  At the last minute we found out that my sister and her boys would be joining us, as well as Papa Jay.  Carter had a blast picking out his very own shake....Kool Aid Tropical Punch flavor??  (gross....but he seemed to love it). 

reading his card from papa jay

such seriousness...

such a handsome little man

all i have to say:

silly band heaven.

basically, if you don't understand what silly bands are then clearly you don't have kids, nieces, nephews..or are around children at all...because these things are like the jellybands and slap bracelets of my generation. 

they are seriously, seriously cool

(according to the kids)

personally, they annoy the heck out of me.  but we'll make that our little secret :)

I hope you always find this much joy in life

After dinner, we took the whole troop back to the house where

Carter finally got to open the rest of his presents from us....

 

tearing into his great BIG bag of goodies...

(with kj looking on of course...scouting out the toys she'll want to 'borrow' later)

a T-Ball Set!

Obi-Wan Kenobi and a Battle Droid (Carter calls him "roger, roger" because that's what they say constantly in the movies and the clone wars cartoons...really cute).  Since he got these presents, they are either in his hand or safely on the top of his dresser.  Honey..you get all the credit on this one.

and of course...if you're a little slow and haven't caught the theme yet...my little boy's first light saber.  I cannot tell you the excitement that was on that freshly four year old face.

i'm sitting here thinking of excuses, but the truth is our kids are just plain spoiled.  we decided that it was silly to just get one light saber...how can you train to be a jedi knight if you don't have two?  So...KJ got her first light saber, too, and for good measure, Ahsoka, her favorite female star wars character.  so spoiled.

can you help me pllleeease?
her doll eyes can melt you in a second...

first ligt saber fight of what I'm sure will be many more to come
crossing my fingers my children retain all their eyeballs...
a pirate child would be weird....just weird.

Carter was excited to use his new T-Ball set, so he put down his jedi knight training and we set up a whole field in our backyard, with a tree, bush and the jungle gym as bases...

honestly, this kid has a crazy strong arm for his age.  that ball was flying!  We are definitely signing him up for t-ball soon!  And really...is the cuteness not dripping?

Robbie, my oldest nephew, and basically Carter's idol gave him all kinds of advice about how it's done. 

Carter watched him like a hawk.

melt your heart kind of cute...

birthday hugs from the big sister

sometimes we all just need a minute in the grass...

our two magical babies

who are so lucky to have each other

our little spidermonkeys with legs that go on forever...

omg
precious

love, love, love

after exhausting themselves in the yard, mel and the boys took off for home, and we all sat down as a family to sing happy birthday to carter and love on our little man right up to the minute we tucked his tired body into bed and kissed him goodnight.

happy fourth birthday

we love you so much

and can't imagine a single day without your smile

slippin' and slidin'

Eric and I had all kinds of fun things planned for Carter on his big day.  Oddly enough, just the day before the kids and I were at the store and they saw a "Slip-n-Slide" and begged me for it.  Since it was one of Carter's presents...I had to say no...but, alas, my evil mother status was erased the next afternoon when the kids found out they would be slipping and sliding all they wanted...

Two things I must mention about the Slip-n-Slide.  One, I really don't think it was meant for adults.  Nope, not at all.  Luckily, Eric is so much nicer than me and was willing to "show" the kids the first time around.  Me?  I sat safely on the sidelines gripping my camera.  Second, I remember them being much "slippy-er" when I was a kid (YES, I know that's not a word).  What happened to that?  Now the kids just get stuck in the middle.  Probably some sort of weird safety hazard. 

All in all, the kids had a blast, Eric had a blast, and I had a wonderful time taking pictures of the whole thing :)

dear carter,

on the occasion of your fourth birthday

(if you wish to read last year's letter go here.)

Yesterday (it seems) I was sitting at the computer preparing to reflect on the first three years of your life.  Now, all of a sudden, I sit here again, in disbelief that four years have passed since you joined my life.  I can't imagine one single day, one single minute of life without you.

You fill my life with happiness.  I marvel at your inquisitive nature and melt at your tender spirit.  You want to know about everything and I've long learned that brushing your question off with a generic answer just simply won't do.  No, mom, I didn't ask if you were cooking, I want to know what you're doing.  I love that about you.  I hope that you remember her when you are older, but we have the nicest older couple that live next door.  She is the kind of woman that I want to be at her age, serving coffee on the porch in the morning to the husband she has loved for decades and taking immaculate care of her yard and huuuggggee garden.  You were running back and forth from your friends house, through miss j.'s yard, and you noticed that she was doing something in her garden.  I had come outside to call you and your sister for dinner, and observed you approach her confidently and ask her what she was doing.  I almost interrupted you, afraid that you were bothering her, but I watched her explain to you very carefully how to dig the dirt, plant the seeds and then water them carefully.  You were the most polite young man, followed each of her instructions and were nearly giddy with happiness when she praised you.  You ran home to my arms a happy boy.  And that made me a very very happy mommy. 

I hope that you always see life as a grand question to be wondered, and a joyous adventure to be wandered.  That you are never afraid to walk right up, get your hands in the dirt and be proud of what you have done..... 

I am so proud of you and the little man that you are becoming.  You are a very sweet boy who is happy to offer a kiss every Wednesday when I pick you up from preschool, and the biggest hug I could wish for every night before bed.  I was right last year when I said I would miss how much you said "i wanna hold you momma."  Sometimes you say it, but not so much, and I realize that you're growing, in all the ways that you are supposed to, but growing nonetheless.  And that means I can't hold onto you as my little seedling forever.

Every parent teacher conference at your preschool has been full of conversation about what a "good" boy you are, how well you do at sharing and playing nicely, how sometimes you're just a little bit shy about things, but if the teacher helps you just a little, you're ready to dive right in.  We also learned how much you love the bounce house :)  I'm writing all of this down, in the hopes that one day you will treasure it in that great big heart of yours.  You've made lots of friends, and are very excited for your 5th birthday where we've promised you that you can have your first big kid party with friends.

I love you, Carter Taylor.  And I have loved you every single day of your life.  You make my days brighter and I am so blessed that you are my son.

Happy Birthday, Bubby,
mommy


You were up pretty early the morning of your birthday...eager to rip into the presents we set aside (making you wait for the rest of them...so mean :)

Toy  Sotry 3 Etch-a-Sketch

(some toys just never get old)

handsome birthday boy

your first Lego set!

that Mommy quickly help you put together

and even though birthday cake was coming later, I couldn't
resist putting a candle in your birthday cinnamon roll.
You were so embarassed that we were singing to you.

Happy 4th Birthday Carter!