we are not done.

This is our Mama Deb....and she's been fighting cancer for over a year. She has walked through intense chemo, a radical mastectomy, painful radiation and an endless array of doctor's appointments and tests.

I have never once heard her complain.

And now, without our understanding, the cancer has returned.

We are heartbroken, worried, anxious and impatient for answers.

What we are NOT is done. We are not done hoping. We are not done praying. We are not done believing in a miracle. We are not done believing. We are not done.

passionate.

I am passionate about photography. I hope that maybe one day I will be able to use that passion towards something useful. I am also passionate about this place...and everything that this lakehouse has meant to our family. No one can steal memories....and I'm going to keep recording them. I am awestruck by the handiwork of God...

If I could tell the story in words, I wouldn't need to lug around a camera.
(Lewis Hine)

crazy about puzzles!

I have a fickle children...or rather one fickle child, and a little boy that gets dragged along. My Katie has always been just a little bit obsessive about her "favorite things." We've gone through many, many different stages...thankfully many of them passed quickly..(if I ever have to watch The Lion King or Shrek again I will be forced to stab my eyes out:). Right now it seems we are passing out of the Dora/Diego phase, we started having them watch Looney Tunes and Mickey Mouse/Donald Duck, etc...something we can actually tolerate. (I was getting more than just a little tired of the Rescue Pack song). I like that she pours herself into things, although it is irritating to watch the same thing over and over because she is so so so insistent. I wonder what character trait this will be in her as she gets older? As a mom, these are always interesting things to think about...really, what will my children look like, be like? hmmmmm.....

Right now, Katie is really into puzzles, and I'm crazy bout it :) It's excellent hand/eye coordination practice, which they both need, and they both get so excited about completing a whole puzzle. Katie can do 24-37 piece puzzles with ease, Carter still needs just a little bit of help. We tried our first 100 piece puzzle..I bet in no time they will be doing it all by themselves!

Having fun with puzzles before dinner

Carter and I working hard on his "Cars" puzzles

Having fun with my kiddos is so much fun

pretty princess

my pretty princess proud of her work

My little buddy worked hard!

and these are my lovely goofeballs sticking their tongues out at me.

good thing they're cute ;)

my thoughts.

It's rare for me to actually stop and think about me, in reference to this blog...which has, in turn, made me think about why I have a blog...what is my purpose?

This blog is many things for me. It is a way for me to brag on my kids, document milestones, tell funny stories, show off my endless love for photography, etc. BUT, I also want it to be a place where I can be honest, and every once in awhile share my thoughts. Not in a "dear diary" kind of way...I gave that up long ago, but in a soul-searching, why in the world am I sharing this with the general public kind of way.

The title of this blog is "may you live all the days of your life." It is a quote from Jonathan Swift, and at face value seems rather simple. Of course we live the days of our lives, in some ever-repeating circle of choices, mistakes, and maybe even small victories. However, it is much more than that. As my dear friend, Missy would say, it is the "life in my years," the moments that make it all worthwhile.

I used to be an avid scrapbooker, and I am proud of the NICU scrapbook I made for my daughter that documents every single day she spent in the hospital, and my son's scrapbook that honestly still isn't completely finished...but I'll get there, I promise, bubby. The thing about scrapbooking that I have found is that it is just completely ridiculous to think that little pieces of paper, scissors, and glue combine at all with toddlers. It's just not going to work. I probably have hundreds and hundreds of dollars in scrapbook supplies, and yes they are fairly neatly organized...(kinda). I guess sometimes my blog is a "virtual scrapbook," without all the fun embellishments, glitter, and other things that make a HUGE mess. I will return to it one day, I hope.

These are ramblings....way too early in the morning (I am currently suffering from something awful that makes me wake up way too early in the morning in a dead panic...therefore not being able to go back to sleep...).

Today I want to remember to LIVE all the days of my life...the small moments and the big ones.

this one's for you...

In the past month, it has recently come to my attention that my daughter is 4...and will be starting kindergarten next school year. WHAT??? I thought I had way more time then that...I don't know why, but it just doesn't feel real. I know it's an overly nostalgic mom wanting to hold on to her little miracle and make sure that she's always safe and protected, and how could I help it? I watched Katie fight for her life. Nothing ever, ever, ever takes those memories away.

Maya Angelou's, A Letter to My Daughter, is one of my favorite books, and as I'm re-reading it for the third time (after my sister stole it from me and I luckily found a copy at a garage sale), I am again reminded of the wisdom of the women who have gone before us. For me, this is my mom, a single mom who raised three daughters and made it look effortless, Katrina, a woman who has looked grief in the face and refused to carry it as a mantle, my sister, a mother that I watched so intently because I was sure it wasn't possible anyone could do it better. Both of my sisters for being protectors, watchers, encouragers and for carrying my heart....(I'm carrying yours, too).

I digress...as I contemplate the fact that my daughter will be taking a leap into a world that I physically can't control, I can only pray God's faithfulness for her. I can only hope that she will not make some of the same mistakes that I did... There is nothing more that I want than for my daughter to be a self-assured, beautiful woman who isn't afraid to take chances, who loves her family deeply, who is rooted and grounded in the love of God. Yes, I realize she's only 4 and there are so so many years ahead, but I don't want to forget these things. I want to start now.

So....from my favorite book, this is an adaptation of a letter. This one's for you, Katie Jade.

Dear Daughter,

This letter has taken an extraordianry time getting itself together. I have all along known that I wanted to tell you directly of some lessons I have learned and what conditions I have learned them.
My life has been full, and believing that life loves the liver of it, I have dared to try many things, sometimes trembling, but daring, still. I will tell you, sweet girl of the events and lessons that I have found useful as you grow older. I will not, however, tell you how I have found the solutions, knowing that you are intelligent and creative and resourceful and you will use the knowledge as you see fit.
There have been people in my life who have meant me well, taught me valuable lessons, and others who have meant me ill and, have given me ample notification that my world is not meant to be all peaches and cream.
I have made many mistakes and no doubt will make many more before I die. When I have seen pain, when I have found that my ineptness has caused someone else heartache, I have done my best to learn to accept responsibility. Since I cannot un-live history, and repentance is all I can offer God, I will do my best to not live in guilt. This is something I never want to teach you.
You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them. Try to be a rainbow in someone's cloud. Do not complain. Make every effort to change things you do not like. If you cannot make a change, change the way you have been thinking. You might find a new solution.
Never whine. Whining lets a brute know that a victim is in the neighborhood.

Be certain that you do not die without having done something wonderful for humanity.

Here is my offering to you..all that I have, all that I can give.

As big as it gets,
Mom

unbelievable.

There are obviously many, many perks to having a lakehouse. I can't tell you the countless memories we have made there, as a couple and as a family. One of MY extra special perks is an outlet store that's located just about fifteen minutes away. They have an Osh'Kosh outlet there that is out of this world. Don't believe me? Keep reading....
Now...before I start to applaud myself, it should be mentioned, that in the world of "money saving moms" I'm probably the last member. I don't cut coupons, and am a victim to many an impulse buy. However, when buying new wardrobes, it's time to think smart! (And one of these days maybe I will be awesome like Brooke :)
I didn't buy anything that was less then 60% off and because I am on their preferred customer list, I also had a coupon for an additional 20% off.

First, I was shopping for Carter. I'm lucky that he has three older cousins, and some really good friends (once again, props to brooke) that he gets awesome hand me-downs from. However, there are always those few staples I like to have...okay maybe more than a few staples, but at these prices who could resist?

For anyone who's counting...that's three pair of pants, five shirts, a hoodie and a package of socks. How much did I pay for all this....you have to wait to find out.

yeah, I know Carter, your mom does rock ;)

Next, it was time to search for Katie. Katie, also has received some great hand-me-downs, but her wardrobe is largely things I buy. Every season this is a daunting task... She's growing like a little weed, but hopefully I got all the right sizes.


Again, if you're counting...that's three pair of yoga/athletic pants, two pairs of jeans, three hoodies and four shirts. Not everything would fit in one picture..so I had to continue...

Now, it seems pretty unbalanced, but remember that with Carter, I'm just filling in holes. (I don't know why I feel the need to say that, but I feel guilty looking at the two pictures)

Anyway. Dum..dum...dum..... How much do you think I paid for all of this clothing?

$120.91

No, I'm not kidding.

I added up the retail value of the clothes and it was $695.00. That means I didn't buy anything for less than 80% off retail. I have to say I'm pretty proud of myself for essentially getting TWO fall/winter wardrobes, with a few things needed in between, for under $150.

Aww....(at these prices, my checkbook loves me too ;)

labor day weekend 2009

Labor Day Weekend...it's always such an amazing, busy, wonderful time at the lakehouse. Eric, the kiddos and I were lucky to get to visit with Grandpa and Grandma Great, the whole Wagley and Scott clan, Mama Deb and Papa Jay, Auntie Anne and Joe, Aunt Jackie, Aunt Donna, and two sides of the Jellison family! It was definitely a packed house. We celebrated Eric's birthday (again!) and spent the absolutely beautiful weekend swimming, taking boat rides, fishing, using Eric's new paddleboat, eating until we were so full we couldn't eat anymore, playing euchre...and I will only briefly mention my short trip to the emergency room for a badly sprained ankle. I figure at this point, anyone who really knows me is not surprised. So...moving on.

These are just a few favorite snapshots of the weekend...

my sweet kiddos

Eric's new paddleboat

I think Katie found a new best-bud! We can't wait to see you again, Sophie :)

first of all, she adorable with her Barbie life vest and Barbie fishing pole, but you should see this girl cast! She's going to be a pro before you know it :)

Auntie Auntie (as the kids call her) and Joe.
(the newly engaged couple, yay!)

one of the favorite highlights of the weekend by all. My son needed both hands to open the door. So he used his mouth as a third! It was a pretty funny sight.

our silly kids around the campfire

Mama Deb snuggling Carter after a long day of swimming!

this is one of my favorite pictures ever.
thank you mama deb for loving katie and carter the way that you do.

my official euchre partner (we WON) at 30 weeks. Yes, I said 30.
Wow!

The kids weren't tired of singing happy birthday...or of the chocolate cake :)

told ya ;)

"The only rock I know that stays steady, the only institution I know that works is the family."
Lee Iacocca

no more pippy-pops allowed!!!

While mindlessly accomplishing tasks at work one morning my cell phone rang...a pretty normal occurence, except when I saw "Preschool" as the caller ID my heart jumped in my throat. I answered the call as quickly as possible and found out that my little girl had fallen down on the playground and hit her head on the sidewalk. Apparently, they had waited about 45 minutes to call me, had already put ice on the "bump" (as they called it)...and said her tears had stopped and she wasn't showing any signs of a serious injury. I was already in my car, ready to go, but I calmed myself down, knowing that as soon as I showed up she would be in hysterics again and want to come home with me. It was only an hour or two into the school day, and I didn't want it to be a complete waste, especially if she was okay. I warned them to watch for signs of a concussion...and tried not to think about it until I went to school to pick both kiddos up.

This is what I found! My poor little girl! Her teacher, Ms. Taryn, said that the sound of her head hitting the sidewalk was so loud she was almost afraid to turn her over. (at this point...I'm almost in tears, beating myself up for not coming earlier...but the director didn't exactly explain it that way!). She had a HUGE goose-egg bump on her head, but didn't complain at all about it. She didn't even say that she had a headache! We put more ice on it when we got home...and I watched her carefully the rest of the day to make sure she wasn't acting weird. Amazingly, apparently her head is made out of concrete and she can feel no pain, because the only complaint I heard about it again was in the bathtub that night when I had to scrub it a little bit to get it clean. What a brave girl! I wish she hadn't inherited my clumsiness....

So what is a pippy-pop you ask?? Well, neither of my children have mastered "flip-flop" (it's a hard word to say for little ones) so they call them pippy-pops. It's so cute, I catch myself calling them that, too. KJ picked out an adorable pair of princess pippy-pops that she has worn all summer. Because of her fall, the director of the preshool banned flip-flops...which I guess I can understand, it does make sense with little legs running as fast as they can... Sorry, Katie and Carter, I guess we will wear our flip flops at home :) I'm off to find new tennis shoes!

(ouch!)

(she's still smiling....so cute)

precious

While at her dad's house this week-end, Katie was staying busy drawing on her white board easel. She finished this picture and when her daddy asked who the people were, she said, "this is me and my mommy!" (I'm the red one). Apparently, I have very 80's bangs...and a large right eye, and KJ's hair looks pretty messy, but my favorite part...we're holding hands.
It's the small things in life. "Katie and Mommy"
Artist: Katie Montieth
4 years old
cost-priceless

I love my doggies!

Ever my little dr. doolittle....this girl loves these dogs. Even when Caymus wants to pretend that he's grumpy...she can even steal his heart. uh-oh...I think abby might be getting jealous :)

don't worry abby, she's got enough love for you, too.

one step at a time...

I believe it is now fair to say, that I've made the next "step" and can sucessfully pick up a worm, stick a hook through its body several times without gagging! I also sucessfully took a hook out of a fishies mouth, while holding it at the same time. Yes, I'm sure you true fisher-people are laughing right now...but hey, this was a big deal. (I'm still not over the dead bass Caymus left as a present on the pontoon boat...but I'll save that for another day). It's sadly the end of the season...not too many more opportunities for taking the fishing boat out in sunny skies and reeling in a bluegill nearly every time you cast. Ahh...what a great summer it has been.

fearless.

My children are FAR more fearless then I ever give them credit for. I guess it's the protective mother in me, but I always think something is too spicy, too hot, too hard....too big. But, unfortunately, I'm facing what has become my biggest fear. My kids are getting big. Now before I look like I've completely lost it (duh...all kids get bigger)....I mean I am watching them get bigger. They are becoming more and more responsible, more open about how they are feeling (this one isn't always easy to hear), more loving...more capable. I am proud of both my children for so so many things. I'm learning how to grow with you guys...sometimes I guess you'll just have to be patient with Mommy. I'm just not so sure I'm fearless about watching you grow.

always a smile. you make my life happy, little man.

Eric, Carter and Katie both lept as high as they could off the front of the boat that we anchored down in the middle of the lake. I couldn't believe that the kids were that brave...they definitely had never been that far out, or that deep. There was nothing but giggles and a breathless effort to be the first one back to the ladder to jump again.

I'm gonna beat you!

I suppose even the most fearless little kids need a mommy hug and a nice big towel.