these are the moments

Every once in awhile, just for a second your child makes you forget about all of the whining, the fighting, the arguing, the constant answers to questions...

Every once in awhile you see your child as they were when they were babies. A time that passes so quickly and as hard as you try...the individual memories that you want to keep forever slip through your fingers as quickly and sadly as sand.

I always knew that I wanted to be a mother, but at the same time sometimes I feel like I'm about second to last on that list (there has to be someone worse than me??). They don't come with instructions, and I have no idea what to say to my 4 year old when she tells me to leave her alone. Leave her alone? She's 4? Oh my...how overwhelming to even imagine the future.

I choose today to live in the now. And every once in a while, sneak the guily pleasure of these small moments that my children let me remember what it was like when all they needed was me.

picking flowers for our mama...

I can't remember exactly what it was about this day...but somehow my kids knew that my spirits needed a little lifting. Katie and Carter both LOVE clover flowers...(maybe because there is an abundance of them in our front yard!). My sweet, sweet kids....picked all these flowers, just for me!

Motherhood brings as much joy as ever, but it still brings boredom, exhaustion, and sorrow too. Nothing else ever will make you as happy or as sad, as proud or as tired, for nothing is quite as hard as helping a person develop his own individuality especially while you struggle to keep your own." -- Marguerite Kelly and Elia Parsons

Congratulations Chad and Jo!

Eric's cousin and childhood best-friend, Chad after 11 (yes, I said 11) years of dating, decided to make it "official." After a simple ceremony, the whole family gathered at Aunt Becky and Uncle Greg's for a huge wedding reception. I met so much family...I don't know if I will ever keep their names all straight! I know it was really nice for Eric to get to see family that he hasn't had the opportunity to see in years. This visit to South Bend was particularly special to us because it is the first time that it has worked out that I got to bring the kiddos along! Every other holiday or gathering has been a weekend when they are at their dad's. They had so much fun playing cornhole, meeting and immediately loving all the new kids around them. Carter thought it was a blast to "fake" mow the lawn, and Katie loved playing with the older cousins, and going exploring with them in the backyard. It's really neat to watch my kid's personalities come through as they grow older. I see very much that although Katie is so smart, she also very much a follower, and wants to be part of the crowd. Carter is still a little bit clingy to me...I think it's a lot the age, and his sister overwhelms him at times. Carter is very serious about things, and loves to take things apart and put them back together. He actually likes to go off by himself and play without Katie, usually in the basement with his tool-set. Poor guy....probably trying to escape all the craziness of the upstairs :)
It was a really fun night and I enjoyed being enveloped by a sense of committment and family.

I'm a pretty lucky girl.

Mama Deb and sweet (chubby!) baby Lucas

an ice cream truck coming through the neighborhood with this many kids!! oh no!! Eric couldn't say no...so he treated all of the young kids to their very own special ice cream treat

YUM!

Carter was clearly enjoying whatever that is he picked out. I think he just liked it because it was colorful (if you don't believe me, ask his khaki shorts from that night ;(

Eric hoping for a sweet kiss....but Carter was in a silly, silly mood

Carter and Papa Jay

Chad and Jo: Your love and committment to each other has grown to be such an example to me. Though I've seen you argue, I've never seen you snap at one another or say mean, manipulative things that you don't mean. I know that sounds silly...but you have defined love for me in many ways. We were pretty sure you would never tie the knot but you always surprise us :)

Congratulations on your committment to each other. May you always have just enough laughter to make it through the day. May you give grace when it is least due knowing that yours is in turn. May you love, as you do, wholeheartedly.

Eric and I wish you both a lifetime of happiness.

sometimes we all need an oasis

We were born by the water, and I believe it fills our blood and brings peace with its massive stillness and rythmic movement. Getting away. What does that mean? It means at mile 1 of 1-69, cares dissipate and anxiety lessens...and by the time you get to the lakehouse, you've forgotten why you needed to come...why, really, there was no other option.
Eric always speaks to me of how important his lakehouse is to him. His childhood memories of spending time at his grandparent's lake cottage have formed and shaped him. It's taken me awhile to understand the importance of the lakehouse...to really see it's value.
This house is my refuge...a place to go with Eric where we can get away from the stress of daily life and actually talk.
This house is my oasis...my place to bring family and best-friends and show them the peace this house has offered me, and perhaps all those who enter it's doors. I'll never stop being grateful, not just for the beautiful scenery, breathtaking weather (most of the time), rides on the boat, fishing!, eating great grilled out food, games of cornhole where your feet are sinking into the lawn, laughing around the fire until we run out of wood, but more so for the love, the caring...the place to offer an oasis.

We needed an oasis this weekend. We got one. What a perfect, wonderful day.

pretty piggies!

One Thursday night, my Katie begged me to paint her toenails and fingernails for school the next day. This was slightly odd for a number of reasons...first of all she NEVER lets me paint her nails, always my older sister Melanie (which has only made me completely jealous one bazillion times), but she also NEVER wants her fingernails painted. So...after bathtime I gave her some colors to pick from and just a little while later I was teaching Katie and Carter how to blow on nails to make the polish dry faster. I cannot tell you how adorable it is that Carter loves her so much that he doesn't careif he doesn't understand why she can have her nails painted and he can't, he will still blow on hers...just to make her giggle. pretty light pink fingernails and piggies! (pretty much the same color as her shirt).

"here, sissy, you can rest them here." ooohhh...my babies are so cuute....

showing carter how he needed to try and blow on more that one nail at a time....

definitely getting the hang of it! (and his sister is going to love this picture when she is older!)

I'm so proud of all my boys :)

Katie, Carter and I went to see Jacob and Robbie's Little League baseball games (we missed Brady's soccer game early that morning...sorry, buddy-naps were definitely needed that day). Brownsburg Little League is no joke, having made the Little League World Series twice in the past ten years. In fact, I am proud to say that the pitcher of one of those Little League teams that made it to the big game, was one of my students, and went on to a very successful career at Stanford University, and in the first round of the MLB draft was selected #10 by the Washington Nationals! I'm proud to say I know a professional baseball player! Anyway...I digress.

Due to unexpected chilly weather (and my lack of packing for such) we only stayed for Jakie's game. I was so proud of him and his two base hit! This kid has got an arm on him! (Maybe, just maybe I will know two professional baseball players...). It is evident how much Jake loves the game and being part of a team. We had a lot of fun...even though we were all freezing!

I'm actually quite proud of the editing on this picture. (just saying...)

my big guy getting ready for a big hit!

brady snuggling with Mel to stay warm in between playing soccer games with KJ and Carter

Katie, apparently oblivious to the cold, loved kicking the ball around with Brady. She's actually quite adept, and much more coordinated then I might have expected.

wait for me!! I'm coming!!!

Go D-Backs! This kid is a pro at stealing bases...such a sneaky snake :) I love you very much, Robbie, Jacob and Brady. I am proud of all of you.

let LOVE rock...

LET LOVE ROCK. Let it be the binding force that takes us out of fear and into an understanding of each other. Let it shake up boundaries and reinforce friendships. Let it conquer, above all. Let love bring peace. Let it bring joy. Let it rock us out of our comfort zones. Let it show us who we are, but maybe importantly who we aren't....or weren't.

"If we have no peace, maybe it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other."
(Mother Teresa).

p.s. I know you want this hoodie...and you're not getting it!

Three Amazing Years!

Make photo slide shows at www.OneTrueMedia.com

Make sure your speakers are on! Enjoy! This only took about ten hours to create:) I love you so much bubby! I hope you had a perfect, wonderful birthday.

a letter to my son.

[on occasion of his third birthday]

Carter,

Mommy finds it so hard to believe that the years have passed so quickly. What feels like just yesterday, I was counting down the days to your arrival. Now, you have grown into your own personality and amaze me daily with your smiles and belly laughs, kisses and snuggles.

When I had your sister, the doctors told me that I wouldn't be able to have any more children. This made me sad, I always wanted to have lots and lots of kids, but I didn't want to risk the health of any of my children. You were my biggest surprise, and my second miracle. I want you to know that you were always wanted, hoped for and loved from the moment I found out you would be joining our family. You have made our family complete.

Things were hard when you were just a baby....Mommy didn't know how sick you really were in your little tummy and you cried A LOT. I promise not to remind you of this frequently as you get older :) As you have grown and changed, your infectious joy has brought so much joy into my own life. Albeit irritating at times, I know I will miss the days when you say "momma, i wanna hold you." I'm reminding myself today not to ever take advantage of those moments.

Carter, I know that things haven't been very easy for us in the past three years. We've moved and made a lot of life changes. Someday when you are older, I hope you will understand and I promise to answer all of your questions. I made a promise to you and your sister that I would ALWAYS put you first. This is a promise I will keep until the day I die. Nothing has ever been as important to me as you and Katie. Thank you for loving me even when things have been hard. Thank you for always being sensitive, even when Mommy was sad. My precious memories of you taking my hand or lightly rubbing my back bring tears to my eyes. You are such a special boy.

Carter, your future is so bright. I know that you will do great things...become an amazing man. I will help you on this journey the best way that I know how. You are my son, the son I never thought I would have, and I will always be grateful for your life, and your prescense in my life. Always, always, always.

Eric and I both want you to know how much you are loved. (How much do I love you? AS BIG AS IT GETS!). We will always hold you, kiss your owies, play with you, teach you and always make sure you know how very special you are to both of us. As you continue to grow, do not ever doubt for a second that there isn't anything we wouldn't do to show you how much you mean to us. You will always be our bubby.

Happy Birthday, Carter. May all your wishes come true.

All my love,

Mommy

(p.s. slideshow coming soon!)

great-grandma comes to visit!

It has been over a year since I've seen my grandmother...it's quite a long trek from Washington State! We got an extra surprise this year when the time that Grandma was visiting was the exact time that my cousin Lindsay would be traveling through Indiana on her trek home to Tacoma, Washington after getting her master's. It was really, really great to see Lindsay. We haven't seen each other since my grandfather's funeral and we laughed of old memories....karoke machines, elaborate dramatic plays that we would force anyone in the house who was present to sit and watch, an amazing trip down the coastline of California, and hours upon hours upon hours of just playing. Nearly every summer of my childhood we spent two to three weeks in Washington visiting family. I miss those days. I'm so proud of Lindsay for finshing her Master's Degree in English (and I'm almost slightly really jealous I had finished mine)..and wish her the best of luck finding a great teaching job in Tacoma with her boyfriend, Blake and their adorable dog. Just a sidenote...Lindsay attended Stadium High School where they filmed the movie "10 Things I Hate About You". Yeah, I know. We're rockstars in this family. Eric and I are really looking forward to the day that we can take the kids to Washington and visit everyone! (All of my extended family on my mom's side lives there). It will definitely be an emotional trip for me showing them the places that hold so many memories for me growing up. Even though it felt we were so apart (and it really is faaar away) the moment I was in Washington, I always felt as though I was home. the tacoma smell, the fish market, cobblestone streets, playing on the playground of the elementary school my mother attended and walked to, sleeping in the room that she lived in as a teenager, the rain...so much rain, the feel of driving down the highway and being amazed that you can actually see a mountain in front of you and trees higher than you can see, the memories of the days spent on my grandfather's boat...i miss tacoma. grandma, melanie and i looking at pictures of our cousins who are unbelievably big!

so lucky to have so much family together!
r-l (Great-Grandma Smith, Jacob, Great Grandma Hamilton, Melanie, Brady, Robbie, Corinne, Katie, Brittany, Carter and Lindsay

reunion!

my sweet girl thought this would be the best way to pose for the picture.
i am in love with her curls...

melanie, grandma hamilton, corinne, brittany, lindsay.

(umm..basically everyone I've already said, plus my mom...who should have been in all the others but hates taking pictures and refuses to smile)

what a beautiful evening.