nothing better.

There's nothing better than being an aunt.  There's nothing better than watching our children love and grow up together.  How lucky they are to have each other, and how lucky we are to have them.

We made these! (it still amazes me).

I love you, my beautiful sister who has shared all of these memories with me.

just carter time.

For all of the ridiculous blubbering I have done over Katie starting kindergarten...(okay, it was actually kind of traumatic for me....sorry), it has actually brought some positives.  First of all my Katie is a complete routine kind of girl, which her momma is quite often not.  Kindergarten is all kinds of routine.  Also, and quite selfishly I suppose, it makes her tired.  Seriously, she's a ball of energy...could sleep for five hours.  Now?  Out like a light.  Love it. 

Because of the change in her routine, our routine at home has been changed up during the day as well.  Carter is still only going to preschool for three and a half hours three mornings a week.  That means that for the first time in his life, I am home alone with him, without his sister for a block of time.  It makes me a little bit sad that nearly without fail every single day that we get home he asks if KJ is there, like somehow, she isn't at school, and everyday I have to say no.  But my heart is filled with their love for each other...and the bond they have.

My little man has so much personality.  He is much more reserved than his sister (scratch that while throwing fits), and tends to be more shy, but he is funny and silly and happy and just wonderfully lovely.  And honestly, a really good kid...most of the time.  I'm lucky.  So so so so so very lucky.

Today, Carter and I colored, all by ourselves, while we talked about his day at school, and how when he finished his picture HE wanted to get the sticky tape so he could put it on his wall, because he is BIG now....thanks, bubbers for reminding me...  My children are so different and I hope that I am doing all I can to encourage the strengths in both of them.  I'm excited to see all that my little boy is going to become. 

You don't raise heroes, you raise sons. And if you treat them like sons, they'll turn out to be heroes,

even if it's just in your own eyes.
Walter M. Schirra, Sr.

larry the lobster.

disclaimer #1:  This should be on my sister's blog...but she has apparently taken a blogging hiatus.  The story must be told, so I'm telling it for both of us.  Consider this, if you will, a most combined effort.

disclaimer #2: All photos included in this post were either taken by mark or britty on their bomb-ass oops, I mean really awesome Canon, that is continually making me want to upgrade.  I digress. 

disclaimer #3: I am only using the word disclaimer because I have always wanted to...doesn't it just sound cool?

And so it begins...

It was a dark and stormy evening...

Ha, just kidding.  For real though, one of the amazing things about moving to the northside, is that I get to be WAY closer to my younger sister for the first time ever, since I moved out to go to college.  It has been extremely amazing to watch a whole new relationship grow between us.  I love it.  I love her. 

So..anyway, one night we're all hanging out and we decide we are going to make an incredible meal.  Like super amazing fantastic, all the best foods in the world meal. 
Our Menu:
Crab Encrusted Filet Mignon
Lobster with Steamed Butter
Steamed Asparagus with Homemade Hollandaise Sauce
Sauteed Baby Portobello Mushrooms
Crusty French Bread

yum, yum, yum, yum, yum

However, as joyful as this night was...and it was REALLY amazing, something terrible and tragic happened this evening.  Larry the Lobster unfortunately met an untimely death.  No for real, for some reason that I have no idea, Britty and Mark decided it was a good idea to get the LIVE lobster?  Really?  Cause the one right there, you know, that just has the meat, looks JUST FINE to me.  Mark wouldn't have it.  So we selected Larry the Lobster from the tank (actually Britty did this, I was hiding two aisles over holding back shrieks of "I'm really freaking out right now.").  Luckily, Larry the Lobster did survive the way home.  And I actually got brave enough to hold the bag that contained Larry.  (and if you think THAT is exciting, just wait!!!!)

This was such a fun night...we cooked, and we danced our way around each other in the kitchen, talking, laughing, drinking....preparing to adore every minute of life.  And we had so much fun doing it. 

I daresay Britty's pictures tell the story far better than mine can.

yes, people, it is true, at this point I am actually HOLDING larry.  Oh dear.

I am TOTALLY freaking out right now. 
This dude was thrashing like none other. 
Poor Larry didn't want to die. 

I am trying SO HARD to smile ...but really I just want Mark to take Larry away from me again.
F.R.E.A.K.Y.

And thus, Larry must die. 
I was really glad to get this part over.

happy

um yeah, so pretty much what this picture shows is that we don't do things half-way

this is one of the many things I love about Britty and Mark's place. 
yeah, we might eat on the floor.
but we do it in style...

i love them.

And in case you've ever wondered what actually happens when you consume above said menu, here is pictorial proof....

just a few more reasons to love summer...

Because what could be sweeter to these ears then the laughter of children....giggling over life...just life.  I love their sweet voices, and sometimes I even try to eavsdrop on purpose...just to hear how their little minds work.  Their smiles make ME happy.

I love my kids.
(and their friends :)

the many faces of carter....

Oh, I love him.  He is just so cute, and so snuggly, and most of the time is a true momma's boy.  He can also be rather whiny, selfish and other cute four year old things :)

He wanted more pudding.  I said no.  He tried all the tricks in the book...

this would be the whiny face...
"but momma...."

this is the "I'll try to be cute and half smile face"

and now he is no longer speaking to me or looking at me
this would be the sad, manipulative face.

and finally....we have "seriously, mom, for the love...quit taking pictures of me
and give me more pudding."

He didn't get more pudding.
But I got lots of smiles :)

katie's first day of school

The alarm went off far too early this morning, but I was excited, excited to see the excitement in your eyes.  Because if you really looked in mine you saw fear, pride and sadness all mixed together.  And I promised myself I wouldn't cry. 

She looked beautiful

And she was beautiful.  Beautiful and excited...  Oh, how I wished all good things for you this day.  I wished you would have someone to walk you from the bus to your classroom, someone to help you with your backpack and your lunch box, someone to tell you to finish your lunch...  I wanted to climb into that backpack of yours and go with you.  Really really bad.  But I didn't. 

Your brother was a little bit sad this morning, and that made me sad, too.  He's going to miss his partner in crime, his playmate, his hand to hold at preschool.  And I know that you will miss him too.  I overheard the two of you talking in the backseat the other day...you told him you would miss him...but that it would be okay because you would draw him a picture.  And you did draw a picture, just for him. 

This was your day.  And Daddy and Mommy & Eric and Bubby were all there to see you wait for the bus with your neighborhood friends.  I wanted to hold you and never put you down.  When that yellow bus came, I wanted to wave it away and say, maybe tomorrow I will be ready, but not today.

But when it came, that big yellow loud bus, your eyes lit up with excitement and awe...and maybe just a little bit of trepidation...you held my hand for one second longer, and then you ran.  You ran and you never looked back.  You were off.  Off to start this great adventure of life.
  I stood and waved at you long after that bus drove away. 

And then I went inside and cried.

At 2:45 sharp Eric and I stood at the end of our driveway, waiting for you....  And you, my sweet girl, gave your momma the best gift ever.  You got to the door of the bus, looked straight for me and once you found my eyes, yours lit up and you smiled and ran straight to me, arms oustretched.  All felt right in the world. 

Let's see how tomorrow goes...

It's not only children who grow. Parents do too. As much as we watch to see what our children do with their lives, they are watching us to see what we do with ours. I can't tell my children to reach for the sun. All I can do is reach for it, myself.
(joyce maynard)

my sweet katie,

Your children are not your children.

They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.

They come through you but not from you,

And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts,

For they have their own thoughts.

You may house their bodies but not their souls,

For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,

which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.

You may strive to be like them,

but seek not to make them like you.

For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

You are the bows from which your children

as living arrows are sent forth.

The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,

and He bends you with His might

that His arrows may go swift and far.

Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;

For even as He loves the arrow that flies,

so He loves also the bow that is stable.

(Kahlil Gibran)

dear katie,

I am writing this letter to you on the night before you start kindergarten.  Your new outfit is laid out, your lunch is packed...complete with a napkin with a note on it (when did I become that mom?).  I am so proud of you and your excitement to jump with both feet in to this brand new adventure.  And I'm a little bit sad, too.  These five years have gone by so quickly.  The little baby that changed who I was down to the very fiber of my being, is becoming a little girl.  I want you to know that I have dreamed of this day for a very long time.  You see, when you were in the hospital after you were born, and I sat by your bedside watching you grow I thought of your first steps, your personality, the day you would start kindergarten....  Looking back, I wish I'd told myself to enjoy and dive into every second of life with you.  And to think....they told me you might not make it through your first month of life.  Every breath you have taken is another miracle. 

You are such a happy little girl.  I love to hear your laugh.  You make my life brighter.  I can't imagine a single day of my life without you as my daughter.  My heart aches to watch you as a little girl, instead of as my baby, but I know you're ready...even if I'm not.

Getting to meet your teacher and see your classroom was nearly as exciting for me as it was for you.  I helped you treasure each little cubby carefully lettered with your name...one for crayons, one for books, one for your backpack and lunch box.  And everyday you will bring in your things and this will be your routine, your new life.  And I'm excited.  So excited to watch you grow and learn new things.  Excited to see you proud of yourself.  I love that sparkle in your eye when you've mastered something.

I packed your lunch for you, peanut butter (with the crusts cut off just the way you like...) and your favorite cheesy popcorn.  I wondered if there would be someone to help you, someone to make sure you ate your lunch so you wouldn't be hungry.  This is the horrible part...releasing you into an unknown world.  But you're ready, and I have to be okay with that. 

I promise to love you and support you, be there for you every minute that you need me.  I will walk with you, but understand that sometimes you won't be scared to walk a few steps ahead.  And I'll have to be okay with that, too. 

It's just that you're my baby, katie jade.  You made me a mother.  I sat by your bedside for fifty six days watching you grow until I could take you home to sleep right next to me in your bassinet.  I woke up every 15 minutes, just to check on you, feel your sweet breath.  We had three sweet, wonderful months together before I went back to work that year.  I'll never forget those months.  I never knew I could know that kind of love.  You grew into a sometimes obstinate and stubborn, albeit adorable and tender little girl.  And I'm so happy that you're my little girl. 

this bow is going to be stable.
i promise.

i love you to the moon and back.
mommy