this one's for you...

In the past month, it has recently come to my attention that my daughter is 4...and will be starting kindergarten next school year. WHAT??? I thought I had way more time then that...I don't know why, but it just doesn't feel real. I know it's an overly nostalgic mom wanting to hold on to her little miracle and make sure that she's always safe and protected, and how could I help it? I watched Katie fight for her life. Nothing ever, ever, ever takes those memories away.

Maya Angelou's, A Letter to My Daughter, is one of my favorite books, and as I'm re-reading it for the third time (after my sister stole it from me and I luckily found a copy at a garage sale), I am again reminded of the wisdom of the women who have gone before us. For me, this is my mom, a single mom who raised three daughters and made it look effortless, Katrina, a woman who has looked grief in the face and refused to carry it as a mantle, my sister, a mother that I watched so intently because I was sure it wasn't possible anyone could do it better. Both of my sisters for being protectors, watchers, encouragers and for carrying my heart....(I'm carrying yours, too).

I digress...as I contemplate the fact that my daughter will be taking a leap into a world that I physically can't control, I can only pray God's faithfulness for her. I can only hope that she will not make some of the same mistakes that I did... There is nothing more that I want than for my daughter to be a self-assured, beautiful woman who isn't afraid to take chances, who loves her family deeply, who is rooted and grounded in the love of God. Yes, I realize she's only 4 and there are so so many years ahead, but I don't want to forget these things. I want to start now.

So....from my favorite book, this is an adaptation of a letter. This one's for you, Katie Jade.

Dear Daughter,

This letter has taken an extraordianry time getting itself together. I have all along known that I wanted to tell you directly of some lessons I have learned and what conditions I have learned them.
My life has been full, and believing that life loves the liver of it, I have dared to try many things, sometimes trembling, but daring, still. I will tell you, sweet girl of the events and lessons that I have found useful as you grow older. I will not, however, tell you how I have found the solutions, knowing that you are intelligent and creative and resourceful and you will use the knowledge as you see fit.
There have been people in my life who have meant me well, taught me valuable lessons, and others who have meant me ill and, have given me ample notification that my world is not meant to be all peaches and cream.
I have made many mistakes and no doubt will make many more before I die. When I have seen pain, when I have found that my ineptness has caused someone else heartache, I have done my best to learn to accept responsibility. Since I cannot un-live history, and repentance is all I can offer God, I will do my best to not live in guilt. This is something I never want to teach you.
You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them. Try to be a rainbow in someone's cloud. Do not complain. Make every effort to change things you do not like. If you cannot make a change, change the way you have been thinking. You might find a new solution.
Never whine. Whining lets a brute know that a victim is in the neighborhood.

Be certain that you do not die without having done something wonderful for humanity.

Here is my offering to you..all that I have, all that I can give.

As big as it gets,
Mom