new jammies :)

I've shared lots of weird things about me...foods I abhor, etc, etc.  Well...the list isn't done just yet.  I, personally, HATE my feet in socks when I go to bed.  In fact, I cannot sleep with anything on my feet.  Why am I telling you this?  Well...when Mel offered me a pair of Brady's jammies for Carter, I declined because they are footed jammies.  Not fair, I realize to put my ridiculous weirdness on my son, but the very thought of being zipped up into a one piece pair of jammies makes my skin crawl. 

Carter, however, had a different idea.  He thinks it is SO cool that he gets to wear his cousin's clothes, every shirt I put on, every pair of pants, "Is this Brady's?"  It really is so cute.  So, the jammies came home with us...and even though it was way too hot to wear footed jammies to bed, these were the jammies he picked, and I relented.  And guess what...he loves them :)  He thinks it is so fun that he can slip and slide around the hardwood floors.  (now that I think about it....that would be pretty awesome).  After answering a few quick (yet vital) questions about how to go potty in these kind of jammies, my little boy slept soundly and comfortably in his new jammies.

p.s. I still DO NOT wear socks to bed :)

getting creative....

I miss being "crafty."  After Katie was born and I finally got to bring her home from the NICU, she slept a lot, so in between feedings, diaper changes, and loving on my little girl, I scrapbook-ed like a mad woman.  I documented every single day that KJ spent in the hospital....something I hope that she will look back on and love.  When Carter was born, it wasn't quite as easy (I try not to feel too guilty about this)...considering even trying to feed him was an adventure.  I could barely sit down to nurse without wondering what Katie was getting into, and I really do mean in to...one time I found her in the open dryer where I had left a load of laundry!  Carter's scrapbook will get done...just like all the other pages I have swimming around in my mind.  I like to think of this blog as a kind of virtual scrapbook, when I do get to pour myself into cutting, gluing, glittering and embossing again...I will have all the memories recorded.

So what are my little crafty hands up to these days?  I've decided to make a quilt.  Yes, I said it, a quilt, and yes I realize this is usually a hobby for the olderly (I did NOT say elderly)...I think it's awesome.  My first project is a baby quilt for a dear friend who recently had a baby boy.  At this rate, he's going to be bigger than the quilt when I get it done.  I am surprisingly not nearly as bad as I thought at measuring and cutting.  Now let's see what pinning and sewing is like...
(I'll keep my progress updated)

i want to pretend.

(sometimes my posts are a little raw and I'm okay with that.  if you aren't, it's cool...the little x in the corner will take care of that for you :)

"I had grown up in a family where if you didn't discuss a crisis, it didn't exist.  my mother had cancer for months before I realized it, and by then it was too late.  My father lost three jobs during my childhood, but it wasn't a topic of conversation--one day he'd just put on a suit again and head to a new office, as if there had been no interruption in the routine.  The only place we were supposed to turn with our fears and worries was prayer; the only comfort we were to need was from God.
I had sworn that, when I had my own family, all the cards would be on the table.  We wouldn't have hidden agendas and secrets and rose-colored glasses that kept us from seeing all the knots and snarls of an ordinarys family's affairs. 
I had forgotten one critical element though: people who didn't talk about their problems got to pretend they didn't have any.  People who discussed what was wrong, on the other hand fought and ached and felt miserable."
p. 200Handle With Care
Jodi Piccoult

happy mother's day

A day just for me in pictures....



(i adore carter's face in this picture)

my flowers from eric....



this picture is the cutest
i love my family.

i couldn't resist the snuggles from my baby

we planted flowers...a lot of them.
I forget what these are called, but I liked them,
and the label said "hardy" so I figured they were for me.

oh, i adore my gerber daisies.

"Making the decision to have a child is momentous.
It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body.”
(elisabeth stone)

my mom.

Because you always listen...

with an open and honest ear.

Because you are the MOST giving woman I know.
Because you've taught me
so much about being a mother.

Happy Mother's Day, Mom.

(Even if you weren't my mom...I would still want to be your friend)

making new friends.

When I was a little girl my very best friend in the whole world was Katie Burke.  She had a little sister named Callie, and Mel and I spent hours and hours and hours playing with the two of them, in our backyards, around the neighborhood...we were rarely apart.  My friendship with Katie was so influential in my life, that she is my daughter's namesake, an embodiment of my sweet childhood memories, something I've hoped that my Katie would always have, too.

With our recent move has come a lot of changes...and for the kids, I can't think of a single one they have had a hard time adjusting to...  They love to play outside, use their imaginations more than I ever thought possible, and love all of the space they have now, either to ride bikes or play in the yard.  We are so blessed that just two houses away is a little curly blonde haired girl who...just turned 5 and will be attending kindergarten with KJ in the fall.  Wow!  Could I be more lucky?  Watching these two little girls play gives me such a sense of peace and love and joy.  It is so cute...one or the other will stand outside on the driveway and just yell each other's name...and sure enough, if they are within hearing distance, one comes running.  They BEG to play...all the time.  That makes this momma's heart happy.

(could they be any cuter??)

March of Dimes Walk 2010

This is a difficult post for me, one that is hard to put into words.... (hard to believe, being ever the wordsmith).  How do I express my gratitude for all who gave so that one day ALL babies will be born healthy and given more chances to live healthy and happy lives...just like my Katie and Carter.

We walked 2 miles, but I would have walked 200 if it meant that another mother didn't have to go through the same things that I did.  I would have walked 2 million if it meant there were more resources to help struggling moms with a second baby in the NICU and one at home.  It's not just about the medical advancements, although that is a huge part.  It is also about not being afraid to share my story....you're not alone, that's what I want to scream from the rooftops.  I've been there, I've felt this way, and quite frankly it's impossibly hard.

I have a dream and a vision buried deep that one day I will be more of an advocate for preemies, and not just the babies themsevles, although I hope desperately that my nursing degree will carry me down that road, but an advocate for moms.  Because no one tells you what it's going to be like when you deliever a baby and you never see their face they are taken away so quickly.  No mother-baby bonding moment, just fear and anxiety and an overwhelming sense of guilt that somehow I could have done better.  Postpartum depression sucked the life out of me.  I want other mothers to know that they aren't alone.  And I will do this, I believe it.  Somehow, I'll find funding for programs and buy books for awful waiting rooms where you just sit and stare at the wall because your baby can only have one visitor at a time. 

Thank you, Brittany and Mara for walking and supporting babies like Katie, Carter, Brady and Lily. 
Today we took the first step....

It was a walk to remember...just how far we've come...

Photo and video editing at www.OneTrueMedia.com