day number twelve

(A picture of something you love)

I really love my engagement ring. 



And...

little boys and green nerf guns

stunning bathtub art

and I love the way they love.

day number eleven

(A picture of something you hate)

I hate fear.  I hate anxiety.  I hate second guessing myself.  I hate feeling like I have to be perfect.  I hate the thoughts that seem to play on repeat...shame....guilt...apprehension....self-loathing.  I hope and long for the day when I will wake up without fear and anxiety...without constantly watching where I step...

Because, really, there aren't so many snakes and scorpions.  I'm doing okay.  I'm making it.  Why don't I tell myself that more often?

Note to self: work on that.

Oh, and lest you think I am only going all philosophical on you, no discussion of something I HATE would be complete without this:

I must write quickly, for the pictue itself is making me want to gag.  Oh, squash, how I loathe thee.  Your stringy grainy mushy texture is so repulsive to me I never ever want to see you again. 

I also hate squash. 

that's all for today.

day number ten

(a picture of the person you do the most messed up stuff with)

I'm having a hard time with this one.  First of all, I'm going to need a better definition of "messed up" and second of all, whatever the definition is, I'm not really a "messed up doing" kind of girl.  I didn't say not messed up in the head, I just am not very exciting, so if you're looking for some grand stories of sneaking out in the middle of the night, well to really do anything...I'm not your girl. 

But..once upon a time, I was young and I hope fun.  If I'm going to pick someone that I did tons of fun stuff with, and sometimes really crazy stuff...then it's a clear tie. 
Ang...this girl was like my sister in highschool.  I lived at her house, at least 50% of the time.  I thought her family was amazing, and they loved me too.  Some of my most fun memories are at that house, and with Angie.  We lost contact for awhile after college and thanks to the the glory we call Facebook, we reconnected.  It was weird in the beginning to be all grown up...I had kids, Ang had just gotten married...but all I really wanted to do was lay on her bed looking at magazines, giggling like little girls.  I want to spend the entire summer at her pool...I wanted to pass notes back and forth.  So amazing to see all that she has become...

And then, my closest, dearest friend....Missy.  Missy and I did everything together.  Like all friendships, time, distance and circumstances mean we don't get to see each other very often, but I know that there are only a few people you get lucky enough in your life to have.  And I will always be grateful for all of the amazing memories we made together.  I wouldn't be who I am today without her love, her acceptance, her patience, and grace. 

day number nine

(A picture of the person who has gotten you through the most)

Older sisters. 

They have the biggest jobs.

Along with traversing their own great big world, they are also busy emblazoning a path for their younger sisters to come through.  Like hiking through a forest, big sisters remove some of those thorny bushes that are sure to cause some pain, and the pitfalls, heartache.  They set up signs to let you know it's okay to keep going.  And if you need it, they put lots and lots of signs, to remind you to keep going...that there is no other option. 

My biggest sister, Melanie, has had the most influential impact on my life during my darkest of days, and my most awkward of transition phrases. 

There are so many things I remember.

--I remember Melanie keeping track of my barettes and bows, because my mom got so mad when I lost them, which was always.

--I remember in highschool, when hanging out with your three years younger than you sister was NOT the coolest thing to do, she still did it.  And she made me feel cool.  And accepted. 

--When she went to college, she didn't forget about me. 

--I remember when I got accepted to Taylor, and I was preparing to walk on the varsity basketball team through crazy rigorous preseason training...and I was SO scared...and she said something to me I've never forgotten, that I've used in more than one situation..."Corinne, anyone can do anything for 30 days."  And she was right.  I could do it. 
--She made me an aunt.  And we weren't really expecting that one.  I was the one who said I wanted to have all the kids.  But there he was, that smiley dark haired boy that stole my heart the moment I saw him.  I watched her love him only the way a mother could. 

--She taught me about grief, and how precious life is.  And she also taught me about hope when her magic miracle came and touched all of our lives.

--She stood with me through some infertility issues, and never one time made me feel awkward or less than good enough because I wasn't pregnant yet.

--When I found out I was pregnant with Katie, she was the first one I went to (literally) but also was the one who called to check on me MORE THAN MOM (that is an amazing feat) and what my blood pressure numbers were that day, and if I was laying on my left side...and if I was keeping anything down....
--She was the only one (besides my husband) that I wanted to be in the delivery room.  When the idea of a "delivery room" quickly became nonexistent, I know that she would have been by my side every second of that horrible ordeal, were she not having her own surgery twenty miles away.  I'm still kind of bitter at karma about this.  Really?  That day?  You couldn't give me to her on that day??  But she came the vey first day that she could, hunched over in pain, and concerned with only one thing: was I alive, and was Katie alive.  And she fell in love with Katie the moment she saw her.  I daresay their connection is magical.

--And my Katie-bug, she is so much more like her Auntie Momo than she knows...oh dear :)  I'm so glad that my daughter has two aunts that love her so completely.  What a lucky girl.

--I have mentioned the "HOPE" necklace she gave me in a previous entry.  Read again if you wish, I do.
--Those were the darkest days I can remember, and when I thought there was no more hope, no more light, she was always there.  Encouraging me to be strong.  Telling me that she couldn't do it without me.  She gave me purpose, strength, confidence, and helped me transition into becoming a single mom.  And she was with me every step of the way.

If I've never said so, thank you.  In a million ways. 

day number eight

(A picture that makes you laugh)


As I was perusing through my 12,000 pictures this evening....I made a file of all the ones that made me, literally, laugh out loud.  But there were too many of them...and sometimes when you tell the story of why it was funny, it's not really as funny as you thought it was to begin with....know what I mean.

But not this one.

Oh, no, not this absolute jewel of a photo that is sure to earn me ridicule beyond my wildest dreams.
(And threats of murder from both of my sisters).
It's worth it.

I laughed.  So hard.
So, at my own expense, I hope you get a laugh as well.
 

day number seven

(a picture of your most treasured item)

"A photo says, you were happy, and I wanted to catch that.
A photo says, you were so important to me that I put down everything else to come watch."

(j. picoult)

day number six

(A person you'd love to trade places with for a day)

For one day, I would love to trade places with this magical, hilarious, brilliant, creative man...

My dad.

Because, then...even if it was just for one day...

I would know what was in his mind and heart.

(and if he ever thinks of me...)