how are you?

To Tell The Truth
Maya Angelou, A Letter to My Daughter

"My mother, Vivian Baxter, warned me often not to belive that people really want the truth when they ask "how are you?"  She said that question was asked around the world in thousands of languages and most people knew that it is simply a conversation starter.  No one really expects to be answered, or even wants to know "well, my knees feel like they are broken, and back hurts so bad I could fall down and cry."  A response like that would be a conversation stopper.  It would end before it could begin.  So, we all say, "Fine, thank you, and you?"

I believe in that way we learn to give and receive social lies.  We look at friends who have lost dangerous amounts of weight or who have added ungainly pounds and we say "you're looking good."  Everybody knows that statement is a blatant lie but, we all swallow the untruth in part to keep the peace and in part because we do not wish to deal with the truth.  I wish we could stop the little lies.  I don't mean that one has to be brutally frank.  I don't believe that we should be brutal about anything, however it is wonderfully liberating to be honest.  One does not have to tell all that one knows, but we should be careful what we do say is the truth.....

Let's tell the truth to the people.  When people ask, "How are you?" have the nerve sometimes to answer truthfully.  You must know however, that people will start avoiding you because they too have knees that pain them and heads which hurt and they don't want to know about yours.  But think of it this way, if people avoid you, you will have more time to meditate and do fine research on a cure for whatever truly afflicts you."